The absolute golden age of Thames freezing was the Little Ice Age, a fancy term for when Europe decided to get dramatically colder between 1300 and 1850. During this time, the river froze over 20 times. But the most famous? That’s the winter of 1683-84, a frost so savage it basically shut down the city.
Picture this: a river so solid that Londoners set up an entire temporary town on the ice. We’re talking streets of tents, sledding, dancing, and even a printing press that cranked out souvenir tickets. “I bought a muffin on the frozen Thames” is not a line from a bad period drama—it’s a real historical flex.
Who Skated, and Who Fell In?
It wasn’t just poor people desperate for a day off. King Charles II himself showed up to chill (pun 100% intended) with the commoners. He even had a giant roasted ox brought onto the ice for a barbecue, because nothing says “royal dignity” like eating greasy meat while standing on a frozen river.
But let’s not forget the dark side: the Thames was a massive, open sewer back then. When it froze, the stench didn’t vanish—it just paused. And when it thawed? Whoops. The return of spring meant a soggy, smelly landmine of old fish heads and worse. Imagine skating next to a pile of 17th-century garbage. Charming.
