Seal cracks around windows and doors. Check second-hand furniture before bringing it inside. And here’s a pro tip: store your cashmere and wool in sealed bags with cedar blocks. The beetles won’t see it as an all-you-can-eat buffet if they can’t smell your favourite cardigan. They’re opportunistic, not psychic.
But honestly? A few beetles each year are part of the UK experience. I’ve learned to accept them like I accept rainy Augusts and passive-aggressive bus signs. They’re tiny, they’re annoying, but they’re not out to get you. They just want a warm place to have beetle babies. Which, let’s face it, is more than some of your ex-roommates wanted.
The final word: you’re not alone
Next time you see one of those little black dots, take a breath. It’s not a cockroach. It’s not a bed bug. It’s just a confused beetle that wandered into the wrong Airbnb. Vacuum it up, spray a deterrent, and move on with your day. You’ve got bigger things to worry about—like why that true crime documentary keeps skipping.
And if all else fails, name it. I call mine Kevin. Kevin the beetle is a terrible tenant, but at least he’s consistent. Look, you have to find joy where you can in this life. Stay calm, keep your floors clean, and remember: they’re not plotting against you. They’re just really, really bad at reading room signs.
