Ah, the London Underground. It’s like a sauna, but with more delays and a 50% chance you’ll accidentally make eye contact with someone who hasn’t smiled since 1998. To get to London City, you want the Central Line (the red one that’s always on fire in the news) or the Circle Line (the yellow one that pretends it’s a circle but is actually a squashed doughnut). Hop off at Bank station. Warning: Bank station is a labyrinth designed by a sadistic minotaur. It has more exits than a spy movie, and the signs will lie to you. Embrace the confusion. It’s a rite of passage.
Pro tip: Bring a portable fan. The Tube hits 40°C in summer, which is scientifically proven to be the exact temperature needed to melt a human’s will to live. Also, don’t stand on the left of the escalator. Do that, and you’ll be subjected to a silent, soul-piercing glare that could curdle milk. The locals call it the “London Stare,” and it’s more powerful than any GPS.
