Practice on a soft vegetable, like a tomato or a mushroom. Don’t start with a frozen pork shoulder—that’s like learning to swim in a hurricane. And calm down. You’re not performing surgery. It’s dinner. If you mess up, you can eat the evidence.
So, the next time someone asks, “Hey, how do you hold a knife?” you can smirk, pinch the blade, claw your other hand, and say, “Like a pro, obviously.” Then proceed to slice a bell pepper with the grace of a ballet dancer and the speed of a caffeinated ninja. Your friends will be impressed. Your fingers will be intact. And the ghost? Well, it’ll be looking for a new haunted house.
